Every Day a Mystery...

HEY WORLD!!!
What's up? It's been a while...I missed you. Busy times have hit me. Papers, tours, practices, and the like. So, in the words of the Christian rappers Grits, my life be like "Ooh Ah". Yup, that's my atempt at rap. Go figure. I'm no Toby Mac, that's for sure.
But yah, back to being my usual "deep" self (as my roomate Dalton likes to describe my blogs), I've been learning so much lately about myself. I sometimes wonder if I really know myself. Do I really know what hurts me? What makes me happy? Or am I just conformed to the practices of the rest of the world that I end up digging a hole for the real me and chucking it inside. Also, identity. Think about that. I sometimes wonder. Who am I. I'm not going through an identity crisis, but I wonder. What do others think of when they see me. What does God think of me when he sees me. Well, of course, he wrote it to me in a book (the bible, duh).
So many life questions have been hitting me lately. I guess I'm at that stage in my life. Where am I gonna live after school? What am I gonna do exactly? Who am I gonna be with (a big one for people out here...sheesh)? So yah, I have questions, obviously its not time for the answers. That will happen in time.
Questions for God.
But, on a lighter note, as the semester is coming to an end, and my projects, and things like that, so are the tough times. I am totally learning about God's sufficiency and how I have to trust Him about His leading in my life. To be absolutely honest, sometimes I become extremely terrified of doing anything that's not His will. I start with this fear every day. Is it a good fear or a bad fear? It could be both. I need to fear God and do what is right, but I also need to trust that He will be my strength and my shield to guide and protect me. I can really feel like at this absolute time that my burdens and struggles are being lifted. But now I have to ask this question- NOW WHAT!?!?!? What am I supposed to do now? To be honest I'm not really sure. It's kinda different to see it this way though, because it makes every day a mystery and a gift to be lived out. NEAT, EH? Now that I think about it, I have no absolute idea what could happen tomorrow, and while that frightens me, the mystery of it is exciting. So, I have to live it like it is. Hmmmm....what does that mean?
So, I encourage you to live a mystery. Live a life that has the confidence in God and that is His life, but enjoy this journey we call life. It's more than just a straight road, there's bumps and potholes and fastlanes and smooth pavement for us to travel (not to mention twists and turns). But remember whose the one who needs to drive the car. Who's driving your car? your life?
Hang in there, sporstfans.

josh dock

Life's up's and down's...who do I trust?

HEY WORLD!!!
Sometimes God really gets to ya. I felt that today. Sojourn (the singing group that I'm in here at school) went to an old folks home. It was stretching. We sang, and that went well, but after, when we were hanging out in the lounge of the home, we got to know some of the people there. Some were very kind, and others were simply unable to communicate with you. Either they could not hear, could not speak, or were simply too disillusioned to understand what you were doing talking to them. I really shocked me. I know that may sound sheltered, but God really hit me with some truths about the world. I've been finding that God is showing me more and more what it means to trust him and He is showing me soooooooooo much about His love. He's pulling me away from the things that I find joy in and teaching me to seek joy and love in Him.
Why am I always trying to find my own way through life?
You'd think I'd learn after a couple of circumstances. You'd think I'd catch on at some point. That something would click inside my head and I'd completely understand - "DUH, Josh! You're supposed to trust GOD!!!" - but I find that I still fall. I still end up seeking my own way. I'm sinful. But that's no excuse. Why is it that though I may be seen as a Christian, I don't feel like it sometimes? Why is it that I'm so weak sometimes to reach up to heaven and too stubborn to ask God for help. All He's really asking me to do is to leave it up to Him and sit back and trust Him. That's it. WHY CAN'T I GET IT?
God is changing my heart. As I grow in my walk with Him, I'm beginning to realize that things are best left up to God, and just follow Him. It's like Martin Luther said - "Everything I have kept in my own hands, I have lost; but everything I have put into God's hands, I have kept forever." God created the earth, and it's still filled with life and beautiful things since he created it, so why can't I trust that a God that made all this will take care of me? I need to. You need to.
What are we waiting for?
Trust. I gotta learn to trust. I'm weak, but with God I can do anything (Phil. 4:13). Crazy. The God who is the Ancient of Days, King of Kings and Lord of Lords can work through somebody like me.
So yeah, why do I worry? Why do I put my trust in myself and not in God?
You got me.
Looks like I have something to learn and work on about trust.
Just wondering, who do you trust? Why do you trust them? I would like to say that there is never a more important decision you can make than to put your trust and faith in Christ.
Hang in there, sportsfans.

josh d.

Playing the Game...

HEY WORLD!!!
Life in the real world. It can be tiring sometimes. Lately I've been feeling really tired. Sleep has been a tough thing to get. It's expensive. Ever feel that way?
But anyways, I was having quite the conversation with my roomate yesterday. We were, as usual,(seems to be a very popular topic for people my age and especially here at Briercrest) talking about relationships. I've been thinking about this, and you are more than welcome to correct me if I'm wrong, but if I'm truly honest, sometimes boys and girls go about this whole relationship thing as if it's a game. Yeah, sounds kinda degrading, eh? But hear me out. I don't want to cheapen relationships, and that's not my intention in writing this. Ok, so hear it is. If you think about it, guys and girls have this unknown or unmentionable "competition" between them. We try to find out where the other person is at. If we have a particular liking or affection with someone, we play our cards (kinda like poker) last. We want to hold out, call the other person's bluff, if you will. Do ya get it? We want the other guy/girl to be the first one to pull out their true feelings about you. We compete, we play this games, thinking "do they really like me?" or "what are they thinking?" or even perhaps "Do they know that I like them?"
Yeah, all I have to say is... if it's possible, DON'T PLAY IT LIKE A GAME. People get hurt. People are fragile. I know that this sort of thing is kinda in us to play it like a game. I wish it weren't.
Be honest. That's it. It helps. Guys, if you like a girl and she hasn't heard it from your mouth yet, it would be good for you to make it known, instead of keeping her guessing. Don't lead her on if you don't like her.
But ya, that's it for now. I'm tired. If you have something that you'd like to ask me about or something that I could talk about in my next blog, let me know, either by email (josh_dock@hotmail.com) or let me know anonymously by leaving me a comment on one of these blogs.
Thanks for listening.
Hang in there, Sportsfans. The truth is in God...seek and you will find.
josh d.

Who are these people and what are they doing in my life?

HEY WORLD!!!
Ok...what to write about today. Well, it's been quite the week so far. I'm tired...I need rest. I feel kinda restless and overwhelmed at the moment. I have class all week. A modular. But anyways, on to something else...
People. I love people. They walk in and out of your life every day. Its crazy to see how people are changed over the course of their life due to their interaction of people. Especially family. As much as I don't realize it, I am like my family in every way (DUH!!!). But really, I have traits from my father, my mother, and my brothers. Not to mention my grandparents, my cousins, aunts, uncles, their pets (he he) etc... Yeah, so it's crazy how much other people have an effect on each other. Just last night my roomate Dalton and I were talking about mothers. We were talking about how great mothers are and how kind and gentle and loving they are. We came to this conclusion that "The measure of a man is their mother". This is probably as true as it gets. Dads, remember that you have an effect on your daughters too (reminds me of a John Mayer song).
But yeah, family. I was just thinking the other night how much I love my brothers. Siblings are great. I wouldn't trade them for anything. I have three younger bros. When all four of us are together, look out. The house is coming down. I miss them. You know, there was a point and time that I really hated being the oldest. I still do sometimes. It's sooooooo hard to be the first to grow up and be the first to experience the tough things that life hits you with. But when I really think about it, I'm glad that that I was the one who had to go through it, and not any of my bros. Because I'm the first to go through the "maturity" stage (although I'm not there yet), I can kind of (not always, but mostly) understand what they are going through and help prepare them for the years of trials and rebellion that they might go through. I know that that's what I wanted when I went through adolescence. I wanted someone who could understand, someone who could help. Now I can help them by pointing them to the one who really understands- God.
Family. People. I've met and known a lot of people in my life, and they are very interesting to watch. We all contribute to each others lives. It's kinda like we're one big support group, without even knowing it. Crazy. Who would've thought. Well, sometimes it's not like a support group, it's kinda like a put down group. It goes back to this power that we have to hurt or love. Please use it in the right way, people!!!
So yah, if you are reading this, tell someone in your family that you love em. They are your biggest fans and most likely to be the ones who have the biggest impact on your life. Think about it.
Hurting families. I know of some. It's tough, I know. God's there. Don't forget that he's in charge of everything. He loves you no matter what.
Hang in there, sportsfans.

josh d.